poemsporn_“Someone once asked me how i knew when i was completely over you. 

One, when i stopped searching the emptiness for a whiff of your cologne, or a hand to hold. Instead, i filled the gaps with laughter. 

Two, when i bandaged up my exit wounds and held doors open for strangers who’d enter by night and leave by day. I no longer fear the day someone might walk out on me. 

Three, when my insides no longer floated in pools of antidepressants and sleeping pills. 

Four, when i sung in the showers and danced in the rain, again. You never liked me to do that, but you never liked me, anyway. 

Five, when i breathed a little more life into myself each time i wrote about you. My words no longer formed the shape of the soft curve of your back.

Six, when i found old photographs but my heart didn’t ache, or tire, or break. 

Seven, when hearing your voice for the first time in eleven months didn’t leave me sprawled on the floor, sobbing, over phone calls that ran long into nights. 

Eight, when you kissed that girl and i cheered along with the crowd. 

Nine, when you looked at me and i looked right back. Unfaltering. 

Ten, when i think about that time you called me ‘unlovable’, and told me to stop loving you like it was a crime, i laugh, because i barely remember the warmth of your touch. 

Eleven, when someone who felt so much like home, ends up feeling like a graveyard.”

—i replied, “it was when i felt him slip away from the crevices of my mind.“ (via inkedwrsts)

The type of person that i want to be beside me someday ,
You know what it is? It like hmm you know right ? I just want someone to look at me the way my father look at my mother. I want someone like my mother who is willing to take care of my father even when my father is being annoying. I want something genuine & nice . I want to experience this.

But sometime it doesn't matter how much you love someone. if your relationship with them is bringing unwanted circumstances into your life, let them go. Happiness begins with you. Not with your relationship, your friends, or your job. But with you.

I learnt that sometimes in life, you have to cut ties with people who aren't good for you. The love isn't lost, but the communication isn't healthy. We move on.

A year ago, on a morning like any other, i had a sudden realization. i was in a danger of wasting my life. "what do i want from life?" i asked myself. "well i want to be happy." i had many reasons to be happy. for this beautiful life, my parents are supportive, my siblings are caring, close friends & having a chance to further my studies and enjoy life. but somehow i lost my temper easily. is that how a happy person would act? well the year is over, and i can say: it did. i made myself happier. and along the way i learned a lot about how to be happier. here are those lessons.

1.  buy some happiness. our needs include feeling loved, secure and good at what we do. money doesn't automatically fill these requirements but it sure can help. i've learned to look for ways to spend money to make myself happy.
2. take action. your happiness level is within your control. happiness is a choice. taking time to reflect and making conscious steps to make your life happier, it works.
3. forgive others. forgiveness literally heals the heart.
4. hold meaningful conversations.
5. stay close to your parents.
6. realize that fun is not happiness. fun can be here at any moment. but then it can be gone just as quickly.
7. follow your gut to decide.
8. own yourself. the way you talk, looks, your voice, your personality, embrace your habits, and try to be comfortable in your skin.
9. avoid negative people & vibes.
10. avoid complicated situations where you could find yourself unhappy. if people are persuading you to do something that makes you uncomfortable, don't do it.

And masa dah berlalu baru kita mula sedar, Allah swt takdirkan kita berundur ke belakang untuk mengambil langkah bagi melonjak lebih tinggi & jauh kehadapan.

I knw , the hurt and loss of a "best friend" leaving can often be far harder than you might think. we never expect that our closest confidante will up and leave us. it just is not conceivable. it does happen though. aku ni susah nak berkawan dengan orang. tapi bila ada kawan tu aku jaga sampai mati. tapi adat hidup yang rapat dengan kita akan pergi jugak. betul lah, orang yang dah hilang dan pergi dalam hidup kita, akan digantikan dengan orang lebih baik. percayalah. when i think of all the people who once meant everything to me and now mean nothing, i get a little sick to my stomach. i wonder how it could’ve happened and why things couldn’t have stayed the same. but still, i believe in His plans, always. hey, life is an adventure.

You might think i am fine but actually i am not. i am struggling but i still keep going. because pain is temporary. same goes to relationships, they are temporary. same goes to you, you are temporary. everything is temporary. nothing lasts forever. But i am thankful you gave me so much in a short period of time. Thank you.

I will become a stronger person. but sometimes sekuat mana pun kita mencuba, kadang kadang kita tersungkur juga, kalah dengan perasaan sendiri. chin up. you will be fine. sebab kadang kadang hati kita salah. salah kawal perasaan dengan akal.

@peebo / telegram channel

i am so done being an option, taken for granted and left broken, & i am in the struggle to unchain myself from being constantly in pain of grieving. i fight for myself this time. i know that i will get better in time. time will eventually heal everything.

at some point in life, realize that i am a lover and a fighter. i love too much. i get angry easily and i am working on my anger management. i play, sleep and think too much. but i get my shit done. i don't procrastinate much. music is my best friend. i have too many friends but i realize not everyone is your friend. i am inspired by succesful and hardworking people. as a student, i always remember that i have my parents to impress. my weaknesses are clouds, beach and books. writing is my escapism. and i won't judge your sexuality, decisions, and what you do for living. and i hope you would do the same. i have a thing for kind people. i despise two-faced people. my mom is my only source of everything. it's sad to think i need to rely on my freelance jobs to finance myself. my dad is my only hero. he taught me to always get what i ever wanted in life and work hard for it. i learn about so many things from everything & everyone around me everyday. i don't let many people come into my life but once they are in, i would cherish them forever. i know i am strong and independent and i've been broken before but never shattered. i hope i will be happy & get what i want in life.


cc: @peebo / telegram channel

Thank you for leaving when i need you the most. Not once, but so many times. But somehow i learnt so much about you. Thank you for what you have done for me. Goodluck in finding your happiness. I will miss you.

Loving you is the best thing ever happened to me. Knowing you is another blessing from Him. And i wish you the best in whatever you do. Atleast i've done my best.
You came when i am about to move on, and you left when i am about to say i love you again to you. Maybe it's true some things are not meant to be.

I was lost before and you find me. You've guided me. You've taught me to survive. I survived, but you are not here with me. You are not here. Take care. Like really, take care.

Not everyone is meant to be in your future. Some people are just passing through to teach you lessons in life. Mungkin kita kena belajar terima apa yang dah lepas, biarkan lepas. Belajar terima apa yang ada depan mata. Kadang kadang depan mata jauh lebih baik. Bagilah peluang dekat diri sendiri untuk rasa bahagia. Time will heal everything. Don't ever try to go back to someone who broke you, you definitely deserve better. You deserve someone who can accept you the way you are. I bet they will miss you more once you decide to move on.

For everything i have in my life  right now, i am more than thankful. One beautiful family & supportive best friends. I want to give myself a chance to learn from this & learn. Once i am done with finals , i wanna do so many things that I've not done in a long time. Karaoke, travel, swimming, sit by the beach & chill. I want to enjoy life to the fullest. All these reminders are for myself too. I am improving myself every single day in my life. I hope i am becoming a better person. InshaAllah.

I really miss my family, for sure my dad. Al-fatihah for him :") . My parents are my best friends. My siblings are my enemies that i can't live without. They are my everything. They mean the world to me. 💜

Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you get hurt, you heal. After darkness there is always light – you are reminded of this every morning, but still you often forget, and instead choose to believe that the night will last forever. It won’t. Nothing lasts forever. So if things are good right now, enjoy it. It won’t last forever. If things are bad, don’t worry because it won’t last forever either. Just because life isn’t easy at the moment, doesn’t mean you can’t laugh. Just because something is bothering you, doesn’t mean you can’t smile. Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending. You get a second chance, every second. You just have to take it and make the best of it & when you get hurt, you heal.

I don't want to look back anymore. I want to become a better person. I want to look good, i want to feel good, and i want to make someone feel good. I want to love myself, embracing my flaws, i won't let anyone bring me down. and i believe in kindness, no matter how shitty people can be, be kind anyways. or walk away. i want to cherish what's left for me. i want to make everyone happy when i am still alive. i want to collect moments instead things. i want to enjoy good times with my beloved ones. it's just a bad day, not a bad life. there is always a chance, there is always tomorrow. take a deep breath, take a break & smile. you will be fine. i promise.
Take a break, and chill. Everything will be fine. Ok? 💜

Have a good night, everyone.


cc:@peebo